take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just gargled with NyQuil
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
