my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
