your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
