i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
