I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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