We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
