im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize