soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize