Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize