Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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