If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
