i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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