The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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