Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
