you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
