just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
