i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
