Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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