To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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