I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
