Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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