No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
