you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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