3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize