You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We got so high we made milksteak
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
