wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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