well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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