Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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