Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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