I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
