So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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