how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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