Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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