I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
