You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
