I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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