just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
