I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I take back everything I said about communal showers
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
