tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How external is "for external use only"?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
