Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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