bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
