Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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