Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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