tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
