I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
