I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize