His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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