I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
