the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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