I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize