And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
