i permit you to call me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
