Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
