Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
