I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
