WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
