He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
