the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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