I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
