One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
