i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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