you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
