Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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