I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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