i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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