I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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