she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
