how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
