I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
