everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
